Teach Your Desires to Stand Down

by Rachel Miller

July 30, 2021

ABOVE :Olu Famule

There’s a reputation you build over time that your feelings learn to stand down to. Like a gentle defiance, it’s subtle but strong—unmovable. It’s not forceful. It’s a reputation built over time and it’s demonstrated by taking a firm stand to defend what really matters—what you really want—over your feelings’ desire.

Each time you defend what you really want, the feelings see this. Over time they learn. They back off. They know you’re for real. They understand, they remember—we’ve been here before, experienced this situation before—they know how it turns out, and so they give up.

Practice through the little things:

  • Stand your ground, especially, in the smallest of things. The small desires matter most because they are the easiest to comply with, the easiest to overlook and excuse. The feelings know this; they remember your actions. That’s how they learn, and how you can teach them by demonstrating time after time that you mean what you mean; what you want matters more than the momentary pleasure of a thing.
  • Consider that this one small decision–this innocent choice to comply with a feeling–is not so isolated; it consolidates with every other choice to ultimately form your reputation–it teaches your feelings how to respond to you. It’s not about the choice itself but your integrity, building your reputation of sovereignty. It’s about teaching your feelings that when you take a stand no feeling can change your mind. Through the small choices, you teach them; They learn quickly and they learn to stand down.

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