How to Love Yourself

by Rachel Miller

April 16, 2021

Perhaps we think of love the wrong way most of the time. We think of love as gestures, grand claims, and doing things for people—and that may sometimes be. But isn’t it also the calm, steady assurance of an understanding presence, unaltered, unfazed by oddness, by error, by failure? That calm assurance that this situation, this thing, is nothing note-worthy. It’s just as things go, as people go. No explanation is required.

When it comes to loving ourselves, perhaps it’s the same. Perhaps, it’s about sitting quietly, calmly, watching what unfolds within ourselves. Watching as we express ourselves, be ourselves, without intervening—without hesitation or cautioning ourselves around what others may think or say–or what we may think about ourselves. Perhaps, it’s that calm assurance that we desire most. The assurance that we can be as we are without editing, without restraint. To just be.

Listen, observe quietly, intently: 

  • Provide yourself a calm, assuring presence, just as you would for another. Without flinching, without remark, just listen. Without opinion or judgment, just observe. 
  • Allow your thoughts, ideas to unfold—allow yourself to unfold—without intervening.  
  • Provide yourself the acceptance you need to be as you are right now. There’s plenty of time for editing and refining, but first, listen.


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