When You Don’t Want to Feel Annoyed

by Rachel Miller

November 8, 2022

ABOVE : Josue Michel

Sometimes people, things, and situations irritate us, and we don’t know why. We feel annoyed with someone, and we don’t know why. We want to be happy, but it’s hard because we feel annoyed.


  • Notice the first tinge of irritability or annoyance arise. Ask yourself:
    • What do I want or need but feel I can’t have because of this thing, person, or experience?
    • What am I worried will happen or won’t happen? What did they just say or do that made me think this way?
    • Distill it down:
      • What are you really worried about?
      • What do you fear losing or missing out on?
      • What do you feel you are unable to experience right now? Happiness? Leisure? Fun?

  • Look at the facts:
    • Maybe you feel like everyone else is relaxing, and you’re the only one working right now. OK, what is true and real? You are working on a task. Everyone else is relaxing, and you want to relax too.
    • You can only lack what you are not giving.
    • What can you do to make this work a little more enjoyable?
      • Listen to music, a podcast/audiobook.
      • Give yourself a small reward to look forward to afterwards.

  • Recognize that in every situation, the only thing keeping you from having a better experience is what you are not giving to yourself. If you are frustrated or annoyed with another person, look and ask:
    • What are you not giving yourself right now?
    • What do you feel you should be receiving/experiencing that you’re not?
    • How can you give yourself that right now?


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